A. It will change your life. It will improve almost every interaction you have with other people for the rest of your days: at work, with your friends, with familyâ??including kids and parentsâ??as well as with travel, buying and selling things, even in everyday conversation. Itâ??s also fun to read: it contains the anecdotes of several hundred people who got more. You donâ??t have to wade through itâ??the practical things to do are right there, stated clearly amid interesting stories.
Q. How much money will I make or save?
A. The average MBA student makes or saves $10,000 during a 12-week semester; for the average executive the figure is about $1 million. This includes raises at work, better dealings on buying or selling a house or car, previously unimaginable discounts in stores, more value for what you sell, more profit and lower costs in your business. The tools and strategies are based on psychology; many seem to work like magic, my students tell me. Of course, they are not magic, but a structured set of strategies and tools that are invisible to those who donâ??t know them.
Q. What intangible benefits will I get?
A. In a thousand different ways, you will gain more control over your life. Hard bargainers will not get the better of you. You will learn to control your emotions, and get commitments that stick. Youâ??ll start talking to estranged friends and family members. You will get more power and meet your goals. Youâ??ll learn how to get that promotion.
Q. How is this book different from other negotiation books?
A. Since the world is more emotional than rational, Getting More focuses on understanding the emotions of others and dealing with them. Instead of forcing others to do things through power or leverage, Getting More focuses on finding, understanding and valuing the perceptions of others. This gives you a more precise place to start, gets them in the mood to negotiate and is thus much more likely to result in agreement. The use of raw power, practiced worldwide, causes retaliation, wrecks relationships and often makes the power-user the issue, causing a loss of credibility. And it urges people not to limit themselves to the facts of any deal, but to use all the thoughts, feelings, needs and experiences of each party to broaden the scope of discussion. This makes deals easier to reach. This advice is psychologically based, often counterintuitive and far more successful than traditional negotiation advice, which focuses on leverage and rational actors. As such, finding the pictures in the heads of each party is the key to more successful negotiations.
Q. How do you know these tools and strategies work?
A. I have taught 30,000 people in 45 countries over a 20 year period: from country and corporate leaders to administrative assistants; doctors, lawyers, school children, parents, professionals and workers of all types. From these people, I have collected more than half a million pages of journals and researched or reviewed more than a thousand studies on various aspects of negotiation. I also am an experienced negotiator as a business executive and attorney in industries ranging from aviation to agriculture to medical services to high technology. I have carefully documented that these tools work, and they work four times as well as traditional confrontational negotiation, studies show. I have documented thousands of cases where the participantsâ?? lives have changed. The process I teach solved the 2008 Hollywood Writers strike, made hundreds of millions of dollars for some companies and got four-year-olds to willingly brush their teeth and go to bed. The tools are even starting to be used by the U.S. military in Afghanistan to gain the support of tribal leaders against the Taliban. The course has been the most popular at The Wharton Business School, often ranked #1 among business schools, for 13 years.
Q. In particular, how can the tools of Getting More help in raising children?
A. The tools in Getting More are especially good for raising well-behaved, loving and yet independent-minded children. It just requires most parents to think a little differently about the process. First, understand and value your childâ??s perceptions. Maybe they are watching TV to relieve stress, just like you have a drink after work. Even making the effort to understand that will make them grateful and want to do things for you in return. Second, consult your son or daughter on things and give them control of some decisions â?? picking a restaurant, when to do homework, what toothpaste to use. Kids know they have little power; give them some and they will listen to you more. Third, kids love to trade. Trade TV for homework, chores for games, etc. Itâ??s not a bribe; you are teaching kids about life, which is about quid pro quo. Discuss what happens if someone breaks a commitment. I have an 8-year-old son. Iâ??ve been using these tools since he understood language. We have a great relationship.
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